I was speaking late last month in Orlando for one of my favorite area organizations, Doterati. It was a great experience and all that jazz but there was one thing, one little thing that sullied it for me, casting a pall of disappointment, a wretched air of sorrow, a deep, dark . . .

Ahem, let me start from the beginning. It was a great event but due to a mic malfunction and my own inability to recover quickly enough, I lost one of my favorite slides. To make up for it, I have decided to tell the unabridged version of the story here — in my own climate controlled, hermetically sealed section of the Internet.

Without further ado, for all the potential “Social Media Consultants” in the audience, this one goes out to you.

John Everyman wants to build a deck. He has always wanted a deck. Well, not really. The truth is that John keeps hearing all of his neighbors talk about how cool their decks are, how much more they are getting done now that they have a deck and how exciting and innovative the world of deck building is.

To be honest, he’s jealous and so one weekend he finds his way over to Jasper’s All-In-One Deck Builder and Barrista — Decks, Design and Double Espressos. He steps into Jasper’s office, and after being offered a low-fat latte (extra foam) he gets to meet Jasper himself, a burly builder type in his mid-50s.

“Welcome to my lil’ establishment, how can I help you?”

“Well, you see, I think I want a Deck but I really don’t have any idea on how to make one.”

“You want a deck! Well goodness me, I thought you were here for our coffee.” He smiles.

“No, no. A deck would be just fine. Could you help me build one?”

“Well listen here, I’ve been building decks and brewing Joe since you were swaddling! Of course I can build you a deck, that’s why they call me, ‘Jasper, deck-builder to the stars.’”

“You, you’ve built decks for famous people?”

“Sure as shootin’! That’s why they call me, ‘Jasper, world’s leading authority on deck-building’ kid. You think they give that title to just anyone?” Surprisingly enough, both of these distinctions could be found on plaques carefully nailed to the walls of the office.

“I guess not. How, how long will it take?”

“To get you a deck, I’d say no more than ten minutes. That too long? I could probably take care of it in five if you stopped chewin’ my ear off!”

“Ten minutes is fine.”

And so it went, Jasper headed into his back room and John waited patiently, looking around and seeing portraits of happy people having fun on their newly built decks. Strangely enough, most of them were drinking coffee despite the fact that it seemed a little too hot outside to justify . . . His reverie was interrupted as Jasper burst back into the room, holding a rather large box in front of him.

“Hope it didn’t take too long, building decks can be rough work!” Despite the fact that the box was large, it didn’t seem quite large enough to fit an entire deck inside, he looked over to Jasper.

“Can I look at it?”

“It’s your deck, ain’t it? After you pay for it, you can look all you like! I’m certain you’ll find my craftsmanship to be impeccable. Now, step over here and let’s get you squared away.”

John did as he was told, Jasper was the World’s Leading Authority on Deck-Building, afterall. If he didn’t know what a deck looked like, who did? He went to the front counter, and after turning down a pound of Jasper’s best Kenyan roast, he swiped his card and was the official owner of a deck. Once he got over the initial sticker shocks (quality sure is expensive), and under the watchful eye of Jasper, he carefully opened the box and was shocked at what he saw:

• 27 Nails
• 24 Brackets
• 1 Hammer
• 1 Screwdriver
• 1 Saw (Manual)
• 15 Cords of Wood
• 1/2 Gallon of Wood Glue

John stared at this box of stuff and couldn’t help but wonder where his deck was amongst all of it. He turned to Jasper,

“Where’s my deck? Is it outside? Are you going to come over to my house and help me build it?”

Jasper looked puzzled, he pointed towards the box of supplies, “There it is kid, your deck, signed, sealed and delivered. Just look at those nails, highest quality on the market today I tell you.”

“But, but it’s all in pieces! I don’t know how to build a deck!”

“Of course it’s in pieces kid, you didn’t expect me to actually put them together for you, did you? Who do you think I am?”

Cut, print, everyone take a bow.

From the preamble, you probably get where I am going with this so I will keep it short. Too many “Social Media Experts” feel that it’s enough to sell their clients the tools. They sell them Twitter accounts and Facebook pages and all sorts of other “stuff” that while useful, doesn’t provide their clients with anything they couldn’t do themselves with a Google search.

The reality is that the job has never been to collect the best tools and pawn them off to anyone who will buy them, but to take the freely available tools and sell clients on the one thing that really matters — the plan, the story, the overarching method for using the tools to improve their business.

I hope you liked the story, too bad now I want to go build a deck.