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The RIAA’s compassion knows no bounds. After Larry Scantlebury (who is obviously a vicious pirate trying to bring down the capitalist system as we know it) had the nerve to die before he could be properly litigated, the RIAA had the restraint to offer this statement.

Plaintiffs do not believe it appropriate to discuss a resolution of the case with the family so close to Mr. Scantlebury’s passing. Plaintiffs therefore request a stay of 60 days to allow the family additional time to grieve.

For those of us who don’t believe in stealing food out of RIAA’s mouth here is a guide, provided by the patriots at The Digital Music Weblog, listing the skills we need to someday join the RIAA’s law team.

Some of the salient points are:

  • Don’t involve the actual artists who were defrauded, make certain that it is the record label that files suit. We would not want to waste artist’s precious time.
  • Make certain to file suit not in the state of the criminal, but in the state of his ISP. If you make it easy for him to retain legal counsel he may just get away!
  • Never explain how you know this person shares files, “absence of proof is not proof of absence.”
  • Finally, always file dozens if not hundreds of suits at once. Once you have your format set each additional suit costs only pennies. Those are economies of scale my friends.

This and much more advice can be found in the guide. Take heart, my friends, one day file sharing will be a thing of the past.

UPDATE — Showing what they call, “…an abundance of sensitivity” the RIAA decides to drop the lawsuit against Mr. Scantlebury’s corpse. It looks like the PR department finally came back from vacation.

[Photo of Cthulu provided by Wikipedia]

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