It amazes me how often I have to “build a case” for listening. I don’t mean listening in the Social Media sense where “listening” is often a proxy for what Neuro-linguistic Programmers would call mirroring. What I am interested in promoting is the philosophy of paying attention to voices outside of your head and using what they say to drive action.

Our power as people in a society is that we aren’t limited by our own creativity. We can turn to others and use their expertise to bolster our own. When building a business or just bringing an idea to market, creating this kind of feedback loop is critical.

I once had a conversation with Scott Rafer (Lookery, MyBlogLog) that he probably doesn’t remember, but I definitely do. In it, he told me that successful entrepreneurs recognize the fact that they are a “cover band.” We build what other people dream. I’ve always held this close to heart, I’m convinced that good products consist of interesting ideas plus a metric ton of feedback.

I mentioned on Twitter that, “I think a strong case could be made that Listening (in the abstract) is what separates successful ventures from failed ones.” With that in mind, I wanted to take you through some other thoughts on listening.

From, “The Importance Of Effective Communication”

Communications is so difficult because at each step in the process there major potential for error. By the time a message gets from a sender to a receiver there are four basic places where transmission errors can take place and at each place, there are a multitude of potential sources of error. Thus it is no surprise that social psychologists estimate that there is usually a 40-60% loss of meaning in the transmission of messages from sender to receiver.

. . .

Skill in communication involves a number of specific strengths. The first we will discuss involves listening skills. The following lists some suggests for effective listening when confronted with a problem at work:

Listen openly and with empathy to the other person

Judge the content, not the messenger or delivery; comprehend before you judge

Use multiple techniques to fully comprehend (ask, repeat, rephrase, etc.)

Active body state; fight distractions

Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; paraphrase what the other is saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding

Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the employee’s concern

Attend to non-verbal cues, body language, not just words; listen between the lines

Ask the other for his views or suggestions

State your position openly; be specific, not global

Communicate your feelings but don’t act them out (eg. tell a person that his behavior really upsets you; don’t get angry)

Be descriptive, not evaluative-describe objectively, your reactions, consequences

Be validating, not invalidating (”You wouldn’t understand”); acknowledge other;’s uniqueness, importance

Be conjunctive, not disjunctive (not “I want to discuss this regardless of what you want to discuss”);

Don’t totally control conversation; acknowledge what was said

Own up: use “I”, not “They”… not “I’ve heard you are noncooperative”

Don’t react to emotional words, but interpret their purpose

Practice supportive listening, not one way listening

Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates

From, “Primal Leadership” by Daniel Goldman

Style 1, Visionary, describes leadership that inspires people by focusing on long-term goals. An effective visionary leader listens to the values held by the individuals within the group, and thus can explain his or her overall goals for the organization in a way that wins their support.

Style 2, Coaching, which is in essence management by delegation, describes leadership that helps people assume responsibility for a stretch of the road that leads to the organization’s success. An effective coaching leader listens one-on-one to employees, establishes personal rapport and trust, and helps employees work out for themselves how their performance matters and where they can find additional information and resources. Delegation of decision-making authority to the employee within his or her area of responsibility–including the power to make and learn from mistakes–is crucial to the effectiveness of this leadership style. Coaching leadership not only frees leaders from doing work for others, but fires-up and accelerates innovation and learning at all levels of the organization.

Style 3, Affiliative, describes leadership that creates a warm, people-focused working atmosphere. An affiliative leader listens to discover employees’ emotional needs, and strives to honor and accommodate those needs in the workplace. The danger of affiliative leadership, the authors caution, is that it focuses on the emotional climate while ignoring the work itself, and thus should be used in combination with other leadership styles such as the Visionary style.

Style 4, Democratic, describes leadership that obtains input and commitments from everyone in the group. When faced with uncertainty about how to proceed, a leader elicits fresh ideas and renewed participation by faithfully listening to everyone’s opinions and information. The listening may be challenging, particularly in a diverse group and when sensitive issues are raised. Dangers include “dithering,” as when meetings drag on for weeks without making progress.

From, “Understanding The Importance Of Active Listening”

Active Listening –

As an active listener, you listen not only to the content but to the intent of the message as well. You listen with interest and also listen for any emotion that may attached to the speakers words. Most importantly, you are non judgmental and you are empathetic.

Reflective Listening – This is also active listening but you add the task of clarifying what the speaker is saying to ensure a mutual understanding.

Active and Reflective listening establishes positive lines of communication and is your passport to uncovering the true meaning in your client or candidates words. Active listening requires you to think as well as listen more laterally, however, it should not be used to hide or avoid revealing your own position.

Remain aware of the speakers tone, body language, choice of words and listen for emotion that may also be attached to the words. Don’t take the message at surface value.

You need to break the message down in order to understand it and more importantly, you need to bring your reflective listening skills into play by asking appropriate questions that clarify the message in your mind and check for mutual understanding.

From, Eric Go’s Speech “The Importance Of Listening”

A couple of years back when I was in high school, I usually spend my free time helping at the family business. There, I experienced how my father dealt with salesmen from our principals negotiating what products to buy. During those times, I noticed how a salesman works; they do a lot of talking without bothering to listen to their client’s concern. And in the present, I had just learned that the particular salesman is already jobless.

On my own analysis, I feel that it happened because he failed to update his knowledge. The knowledge that talking so much is no longer applicable these days. Why? Because people, day after day are getting more knowledgeable and are not easily persuaded by sales talk.

So how exactly do you sell? In the present the best way to sell is through the consultative approach and the pre requisite – it’s “listening.” In this approach you are required to listen to your client’s concerns such as what are the current problems the company is facing right now. And by carefully analyzing, you offer to him a solution as such you would be able to sell. Thus, allowing you to sell through listening.

From, Hugh MacLeod

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