Today the artist, writer and ever entertaining thinker of thoughts Ophelia Chong shares with us a little story about power, patience and the AC adapter.

Reader’s discretion is advised.

Why can’t laptop monitor plugs be the same for all AV projectors? Like really, it seems to have been designed by engineers who have never had sex. If nature had different shaped penises for different vagina’s and you could only pair up with the one that fit yours, we would all be in trouble. “Oh dang, I have a Vag 2.5, and you have a Peen 0.2…sorry.”

I put my DB-25 in,
I put my HD-50 out,
In out, in out.
shake it all about.

For me it all started in 1995 with the Iomega Zip and Jaz drives. I had a Macintosh Quadra 800 that had a SCSI Zip drive, which used DB25 connectors, the Jaz used the HD50 connectors daisy chained together with an external 500 mg hard drive. My 80 lb. Sony monitor connected to the Quadra through a DB-15. If it crashed, I had to disconnect everything and reboot or in the worst case scenario re-daisy chain it all. Fast forward 15 years, and I have a collection of cables that connect to quaint old-timey technology; they were once treasured but now collect dust in a dark corner, forgotten like Hans Christian Anderson’s Match Girl, holding a 50 lb. box full of firewire and ethernet cables that even thrift stores turn their back on.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel is a Mirage

Last February I upgraded my Powerbook. Out went the old one and with the new laptop, a new monitor. Why? Because the old monitor only connected up to the old laptop unless I went out to buy an Apple Mini DVI to VGA Adapter, but really, I wanted it all new so I sprung for the new monitor as well.

Why buy the new suit to wear with an old tie?

Everything was going along fine until I had to make a presentation; the office I went to had a projector that only had a VGA adapter. In my “new suit” haste, I forgot that I was on the cutting edge of technology and that not everyone had caught up, I was left standing there holding the past trying to connect to the future. I had to present my powerpoint via hand puppets that day. I went and bought an adapter for $10; I thought I was set until I had to go to another meeting. I had the wrong one. I had a HD15 and I needed a DVI-D. I wept like Iron Eyes Cody when he saw trash by the side of the road, and out came the hand puppets.

Revenge of the Engineer

I believe that the collective angst of computer users is the revenge that engineers have secretly planned together; to get back at us for all the high school grief we gave them. My evidence is this simple 90 degree counter clockwise turn of the SCSI icon. Yes, they are giving us the finger. (Images)

If you enjoyed that why not find a job or read our guide to working in the 21st century. You can also join our Kiva team or hire me for your project.