Satire often imitates life. I have been reading up on Google’s new “Sky” feature and it made me remember a piece I wrote for Tech Spoofs back in May. For those who don’t yet know, Google will be allowing you to explore the Universe in a way very similar to their Google Earth product. It’s the natural extension of Google’s desire to index everything in creation.

Google Universe BETA

Today I had an opportunity to sit down with Harvey Randolf, Senior Design Architect for the Google Universe project. Below is a brief transcript of the interview.

Techspoofs: So Harvey, first Google Earth brought satellite imagery into our homes, then “Street-View” brought us up close to the action. Tell me what Google Universe is, and how it will help improve our lives.

Harvey: Ahem, we like to call it Google Universe BETA over at the Googleplex.

Techspoofs: OK, right, so Google Universe BETA — what’s it all about?

Harvey: Well, it might be difficult for me to explain it to such a…er, we just call you folks “the vulgar” at the Plex.

Techspoofs: Is that so? Well, that not withstanding, you still haven’t answered my question.

Harvey: Fine, I’ll use simple words that even a Tribble could understand. You people went gaga over our little street view project. It wasn’t anything more than a few panoramic of major cities for Muad’Dib’s sake! Even a useless Nerf herder like yourself could have come up with that. Well, ever since the government gave us full access to all of NASA’s optical resources, we’ve been slowly indexing the entire known universe.

Techspoofs: You have access to wha…?

Harvey: Don’t interrupt plebeian! We’ve been indexing the known universe, every spec of interstellar kaka that has ever existed from here to Tatooine. We’re almost ready to release it in a form that you mere mortals might possibly be able to understand.

Techspoofs: OK, so it’s like Google Earth but for all of known space?

Harvey: Are you so small minded? I’ve seen Klingon’s with more vision than you. With the very latest in quantum tunneling technologies, Google Universe doesn’t just allow you to see information, that’s so Web 2.0. Google Universe brings the information to you.

Techspoofs: You mean, like some kind of black hole?

Harvey: We like to call them temporal singularities. You know, like Lindsey Lohan’s career.

Techspoofs: Isn’t that a little dangerous?

Harvey: Lindsey Lohan’s career, yea probably.

Techspoofs: No, I meant the black hole…

Harvey: What, do you think we don’t have things under control? We are Google, we’ve seen to the end of the Universe and lived to tell the tale, how dare yo…

Techspoofs: You’ve seen the end of the Universe?

Harvey: Oh, why yes, actually we have.

Techspoofs: Well, would you mind telling our readers what’s there?

Harvey: A Taco Bell.

Techspoofs: A Taco Bell?

Harvey: Yes, A Taco Bell.

The interview ended with Harvey going on a thirty minute tirade about the relative beauty of Star War’s Princess Leia and Star Trek Voyager’s Seven of Nine. No conclusion was ever established.

Web 2.0 Roundup

Google really is surprising everyone with their ability to stick to their mission of indexing all of the world’s information. I wonder what the next prognostication drawn from humor that comes true will be.

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