There Is No More Internet

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By Ophelia Chong July 25th, 2008
Under: Columnists

Router

BOING

Click click

Click click click CLICK CLICK CLICK!!

Hmmph.

Dial phone.

Auto Message: There is no more Internet. Good bye.

[ fade to black]

That’s Right, It’s Gone

What would you do without the internet? If you work off-site, you would have to get dressed and to into the office. If you were about to send files, well, there’s Fedex or . . . gulp . . . the post office. If you still have a fax machine, you would quickly hook it up to your phone line.

You do have a phone jack, right?

Would Amazon and eBay collapse? Would Google then shift gears and become a printer that drops a free phone book at your door? Meanwhile, the party at the Tribune would go on into the wee hours of the night. The sound of popping champagne corks and back slapping would drown out the head banging of the WoW players as they realize that they will never reach the 70th level.

“Hello 411, I need the number for BigDaddy69″

When the reality of never going online again sets in, your brain begins to fry at the thought of losing that marketing venue with your 2500 followers on twitter. You don’t even know where they live or even their real names! Good LORD! What about that date you were about to set up on Match.com? Your stomach turns over at the thought of trying to find a travel agency near you to book that trip to New York to see your clients about the new site you are about to build, but wait, you don’t have to go now because there’s NO INTERNET! How are you going to pay your bills? Do you even have a book of checks to write?

Now you are on the floor weeping. Your photos on flickr with all the tags and comments, gone. On the television, CNN is showing Steve Jobs flinging his iPod to the ground while tearing at his turtleneck for the umpteenth time. You pull the rug over your head. You realize that you will never be Poked again.

THAR IZ NO MOAR INTERNETZ

As a generation that is Super Glued to a computer, we romanticize about the days where we weren’t on call 24/7.

We all have anecdotes of how we dared to go offline while on vacations, “I really did not log on at all!” you write proudly to your admiring friends online.
But you probably ran straight to your computer once you stepped back inside your house. “Not now, I have a gazillion emails to read!” you scream at the family, secretly happy that you can now read the RSS feeds stacked up like ducks in a shooting gallery. We are claim to be independent of the internet, but in reality it is a mutually needy relationship. Now what? It’s gone and you are left without even a good bye eCard.

What would you do if the internet broke for good?

Food for thought. Comment now, while you still can…

Ophelia Chong is an artist out of Los Feliz, you can find some of her wonderful work at Flickr.

(Images) (News Room)

ophelia_chong

Gmail and MacMail both went down for a few hours today. The twitter boards went crazy with :
• sarabozich @EdGrohl I was so relieved Gmail was down. I thought my employer decided to block it on my berry.

• cinevegas Gmail going kaput reminds me of the great Twitter outage of 08...oh wait...

• paulvalach @evo_terra I heard gmail was down...but was busy with other crapola.. found out on Seesmic actually.. go figure

• paulvalach @evo_terra I heard gmail was down...but was busy with other crapola.. found out on Seesmic actually.. go figure

• Google Search: Results 1 - 10 of about 1,250,000 for gmail down

It even made Gawker, HuffingtonPost, TechCrunch and other sites.

This was a small taste of what would happen if there was a total blackout of the internet.

Mark

I can't Imagine what the world would be without internet. Your're so funny A.F.

ophelia_chong

It would be an interesting exercise to come up with what we can do without. There are the simple things, carbs, stationary bikes, but what about the items we use on a daily basis? Cars? We could probably give up Newspapers, which a few years ago would've been Heresay to even whisper, but now, the papers are struggling to stay above water.

Rachel

LOL! Yes, life would be a bit different.

ophelia_chong

If there was no internet, someone would have to create flashcards of textor, so that we could communicate face to face. I would hold up a "LOL" to your "ROFL" card . ;O)

A.F.

I would just enjoy watching the whole world without Internet. :) The lithic age... That's so wonderful, isn't it? :)

Ok, don't kill me. It was just a joke.

Maggy Young

We'd just have to remember all the things we did before it. At the same time we could end those harmful motor emissions by going back to the horse & cart. And sea states must have masses of caves which could be lived in to ease the mortgage crisis. And the government could sell them on to help reduce its deficit. We could take up hunting & fishing & growing in a big way & have fresh organic food & who needs Walmart. And we'd have so few needs we'd hardly need to work anymore. This could be the start of something big.

ophelia_chong

I have my own little garden. It manages to feed us with tomatoes, peaches, avocados, oranges, figs and lettuce. Now if we went back to the days of canning for the winter, I would be spending my time to store food for the scarce times. And get some chickens too for the eggs. We would be self-sufficient. The community aspect comes into play as well, barter, trade and help in scarce times.

It could be something big and worldwide.

thanks for the comment. :O)

Azathoth

I guess I'd have to start burning DVDs of witty videos I've found, faxing clever anecdotes, and most importantly, find some alternate pornography source.

ophelia_chong

Well, the sex industry will take the biggest dive. Billions will be lost, and brick and mortar stores will have to pop up. The anonymity of the web offered shy buyers the chance to view pornography in the safety of their homes/offices. If the internet goes away, they will have to find another way to build their libraries and go out into the open. The post office will be one of the biggest winners in this, the "plain brown wrapper" will be seen once more in greater numbers.

:O)

Alex -S-

i'd have to start buying CD's again?

Oh - and conversations would end abruptly mid sentence as the person you were talking to raised a drawing of a whale being raised out of water

ophelia_chong

that's hilarious about the Whale. We would have to rely on our memories for conversations, and we wouldn't be able to cut out when we wanted to without being impolite.

All the music companies would be rejoicing, along with the newspapers. Independent Book stores would start popping up all over.

But I bet Zip drives would still stay in the land of the Dead.

:O)

danielcboyer

Well, it would be a little annoying, but I got along fine before I used the Internet, and I suspect I'd be o.k. again once it disappeared. I'd still have information I got from the Internet, including people's mailing addresses.

ophelia_chong

it would be weeks of news articles on how to live without the internet, experts would spring up from nowhere telling you how to live your life without it. and what would be the communication tool that would replace it?

we would certainly live a slower life, and information would grind down to a snail's pace. but is that wrong? somehow it almost sounds romantic.

:O) ophelia

danhhoang

Without the internet, nobody is going to skim thru my lame comments. :(

ophelia_chong

Oh you. If there was no internet, how could I meet wonderful people like you?

Leda

I, uh, actually used to live in a time of no internet. Really. It's true. There were no cell phones either, or ipods. There were walkmans and, before that, transistor radios. And we used public phones, which, believe it or not, worked just fine. People went to work, people called travel agents, people went on blind dates... some how, it all was OK...no pain, actual accomplishment. Honest.

ophelia_chong

You and I have those skills, but what about that "text messages only" generation, the ones that make that face when you say to them, "just leave a voice message dammit!". I could survive without the internet, but it will take a while to get up to any speed that was similar to what I have now. I can't think of a mode of communication that I rely on more than the internet.

But the thought of "organic free range" dating is very tempting.

:O)

Derrick

I actually hate to admit just how internet dependent I've become. From ordering pizza, finding out movie times, dating, throwing fits, and start arguments. Who needs people!?! In all seriousness, even though I try to shy away from partaking in the world of social media, I actually use Facebook, Twitter, etc. as a conduit to try and meet people in real life. No substitute for that.

ophelia_chong

it would be like a natural disaster, when people emerge from their houses to start asking "what happened?!"
We would start banding together and communicating with the people closest to us.

Emily Wong

Hi Ophelia,

It's good to see your posts again!

I went 2.5 weeks without the internet, and I missed it. I missed the feeling of the smooth keys underneath my finger tips. I missed the gentle clacking sound they made with each tap. The benefits? No more tendonitis. No more eye strain. And (gulp), more human interaction! I realized how socially awkward I've become. But during this time away, I smiled and got smiles back! Real smiles, not emoticons. I made eye contact, and I hugged.

When I returned to the States, I dreaded answering all those emails and entering the working world (and blogging world again).

Now, I long for human interaction. And I hope some day to meet you in person, Miss Ophelia.

Keep writing,
Emily

ophelia_chong

I will get out to NY soon. Somehow.:O) As much as I am a hermit during the day, I manage to get out to be with people. I love the sounds, smells, movements of being with people. There is this barrier online that is as solid as it is ephemeral. An invisible wall.

vokoban

This article made me realize how much I depend on and at the same time take the internet for granted. Sure, there's a lot wrong with the internet but its not that hard to stay away from bad neighborhoods. I do tons of historical research and use historical newspaper databases so the thought of having to make a trip downtown to the central library and search through microfiche every time I needed to find some information is scary. I probably wouldn't bother.

ophelia_chong

I remember going to the library to do school papers and always leaving in frustration when a book was checked out that I needed. I would hover over the deposit box to see if it got returned. I miss the dewey decimal system.

:O)

FiveHusbands

I wonder if we remember how to have an extended conversation or how to work through conflict face to face?

ophelia_chong

Social Skills. I can see community colleges classes already. "Learn How to Talk to a Human, again". :O))

Maybe it will help solve the misunderstandings that occur in flat 2 dimensional emails and text messages. The sound of voice puts meaning behind each word.
:O)

Vasacor

Few years back in high school my teacher asked to write an essay on what happens if we dont have electricity suddenly on one day... I wrote enough but george got better marks than me as he wrote that no vehicles can move- no spark plugs works! This is the one you nicely interprets here the world without internet - am fearing!

jpostman

I was unable to comment due to the recent and untimely closing down of the Internet. Its loss is felt, if only briefly.

ophelia_chong

we would have to start talking to each other. oh my, the multitasking grinds down to zero.
thanks mr. postman. :O)

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